Toxic behavior doesn’t just inflict hurt; it damages well-being, prompting us to believe that it reflects how others see us. 

In high school, I remember a social media platform that you can submit comments about someone anonymously. The user could log in and see what others have posted about them. I remember specifically a comment mentioning my physical appearance negatively. I automatically thought that is how everyone saw me. While I was going through therapy and working on my self-esteem, this was brought up eventually. My therapist shined a light on two things 

1. One person’s opinion does not mean everyone thinks that way. 

2. When people use words to bring us down, whether it is sheer thoughtlessness or pure malice, it reveals a lot more about them than any of the words they speak. 

Not all behaviors that upset another person are equally harmful. Some hurts are easy to brush off. Other actions lead to deeper wounds and longer-lasting effects. For example, emotional abuse can damage not only the core of a relationship but can set a person up for long-standing struggles in life. As such, toxic behavior is anything that poisons a relationship and could limit another person’s growth.

Some examples of toxic behavior are: 

• Minimizing someone’s pain
• Constantly criticizing
• Expressing anger indirectly
• Avoiding true intimacy
• Being absent in a time of need
• Manipulation
• Blaming
• Negativity

So, how do we handle toxic behaviors from others? 

1. Set boundaries 
   1. Communicate your feelings and limits
   2. Be direct
   3. Practice self-awareness
   4. Control your exposure
      1. Minimize contact as much as possible. Maybe the person is a co-worker, peer, acquaintance, or boss. How can you limit your time with them? What types of boundaries do you need? Do you need to ask someone for help?
      2. Maybe this person is a loved one or spouse- I recommend seeing a Licensed Professional find a way to handle your situation. Many relationships are intertwined, and it can be helpful to talk through a game-plan to best suit you. 
   5. Manage your reactions
      1. Ask yourself, how did this make you feel? Do you feel unheard, devalued, or deflated? Keep a few mantras handy for moments of toxic behavior. These mantras should have deep meaning, and something that you know is true about yourself. 
      2. Call a trusted friend or family member- 
      3. Make an appointment with your therapist. 
      4. Get out of your mind and in your body. Go for a walk, gym, or yoga. 
2. Recognize the behavior 
   1. If you see this behavior and know that it will harm your mental health, avoid surrounding yourself with that behavior.